You smell like a Billy Joel song
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
