I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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