I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
