Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
