I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
