My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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