"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
