All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
