If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
