The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Too much gin, very little bucket
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
