I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The feeling are messing with the penis
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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