I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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