What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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