oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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