Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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