Already got asked if we're dating
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
