I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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