The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
