She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize