it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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