dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
