omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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