I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
