Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
they need to just BURY HIM!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
