sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
