Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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