I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
