I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
