dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
