No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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