me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
