She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
