Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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