Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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