You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
