Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
