she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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