Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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