what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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