It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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