i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
