Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
