Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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