I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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