oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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