Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
