Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
love makes seman taste better
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
