I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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