I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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