I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
